A Cold Night in Hell
by Nagini Crimson
Summary: DISCONTINUED! Strip poker and a missing partner leads to an interesting turn of events and our more than enough slutty Potter has to make certain lifestyle changes, and a commitment to make. SBHP RLSS HGDM Slash and MPreg


**Title:** A Cold Night in Hell  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing(s):** HP/SB, RL/SS HG/DM  
**Author:** Nagini/Jewlz  
**Archive:** FanFiction.Net and 

  
  
  
  


This is written for the Canis Major Fuh-Q-Fest challenges numbers 9 and 36, both issued by Nimori: 

**9.** _Sirius, Remus, and Severus get a little drink one night   
and decide to play strip poker, or the wizarding equivalent. A tipsy Sirius   
allows Harry to join them. (Nimori)   
  
**36.**__It's never a good idea to polyjuice into someone of   
the opposite gender... after a slight mishap, Harry gets back to normal, or so   
he thinks. Not all of his internal bits went back to normal though, and a   
month or so later, Harry finds himself throwing up in the mornings, much to   
Sirius' concern. (Nimori)_

  
I plan to submit it when this is complete. Ummmm. *thinks*

I WASN'T planning on posting this at all until it's done, but a friend said it was pretty decent so I said the hell with it.  
  
  
  
  


"Harry…. Are you sure this is really such a good idea? I mean, what if the potion's spilled and she can't change with the polyjuice?" Hermione asked her closest friend from the doorway, leaning against the cold stone walls of Thorne Manor, a frown on her soft, pale pink lips as he tossed her a careless smile. The raven haired man just shook his head in amusement, gently dropping a long brown hair fall into the foul-smelling potion, causing the concoction to turn and interesting shade of light blue to his surprise. 

"I don't see why not," he said after a minute's deliberation, staring at the potion thoughtfully. He shook his head and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She shot back an odd look at him, wondering what he was thinking. 

"And just to think, three years ago I would have done anything to see you naked, and I've got the ability to do so, at ease, right here," he said with a sly smirk playing on his lips. He dangled the potion vial in front of his face with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. Hermione let out a cry of outrage, her face showing how shocked she was at him and she smacked him upside the head. 

"Harrison James Potter, you wouldn't dare!" she cried out in mock anger, but mainly exasperation that he could find something ridiculous in so serious a matter. She ruffled a bit, glaring and straightened out her cherry-brown colored robes. /It would not only be a complete invasion of privacy… but the aftereffects…. / 

"Wouldn't dream of it M'dear. Besides, I'm not nearly so inclined that way too much anymore, Hermione," he said with an impish grin. Hermione rolled her chocolate eyes and smiled softly. 

"When are you ever going to settle down with someone?" she asked him, plucking the vial from his hands and putting a stopper in it. She raised her eyebrow, looking all-too serious for his tastes and gently set it down on the workbench. "I hate that you're so alone Harry, and going out with a new man every other night isn't helping things. You're just going to close yourself off and everything is going to start to seem like a game. Ron did the exact same thing before. Can't you just…" she trailed off helplessly. 

"Can't I just _what_, Hermione? Can't I just stop being who I am? I hate being tied down; I like doing what I please, shagging who I please! I don't want to be committed, I want to have fun, like everyone else got to," Harry said, ending off quietly. He didn't like talking about how he lived his entire life too controlled, too tight, too planned out. He was never able to be his own person, just the Boy-Who-Lived, the Wizarding World's Savior, never just Harry Potter, that Gryffindor seeker with messy hair and a funny scar. Harry sighed, sitting down upon the stool by the table. Hermione walked the rest of the way into the Potions Workroom, setting her hand on his shoulder. 

"I just worry sometimes, Harry. You've done your bit of dating and partying and shagging everything that moves… but I'd much rather see you happy. And whether you think so or not, you're not happy. A happy person doesn't continually risk their neck time and time again for nothing other than it's what people expect you to do," she said quietly, and kissed the crown of his rumpled hair. "Just think about it. I promised Draco I'd speak to him about yesterday's mission." She sighed, defeated, and walked out of the workroom, but then a moment later, poking her head in past the doorframe. 

"Oh, and Harry? Be careful tonight," she said seriously, leaving again just as quickly as she had popped back in. Harry sighed, setting his head down on the table.

~~//~~\\~~//~~\\~~

"Where could Hannah _be_?" Harry whispered, getting antsy… he needed her there to take the Polyjuice…. The operatives were expecting Hermione and Roger Davies, but most importantly, Hermione. /I'll give her five more minutes,/ he thought to himself, shivering in the cold, holding the bag containing one Hermione's robes and one of Roger's. Five minutes came and went and Harry let out a long string of curses. 

Harry contemplated his options, he could always A; Go as Roger and be killed, B; Go as himself and be killed. Or there was C; Swallow his pride and go as Hermione, getting the needed information from the American spies and get back to the base, mainly Thorne Manor. Then from there, tell his squad leader, Snape, and then get good and bloody drunk and get laid. Option C sounded best by far. But then again, what if there was a reason more than just propriety to only use Polyjuice with your own gender? 

/Ahh, what do I know? It's just a potion, it'll be reversible if there _are_ any side affects. Which there won't be. Right? Right./ 

Or so he told himself.

~~//~~\\~~//~~\\~~

Harry _hated_ being a girl. Loathed it. He didn't know how Hermione cold stand it, what with all the leering looks he had received in the seedy bar, to the remarks he heard only faintly. He still felt a little funny after the Polyjuice had worn off, a little abnormal, but he chalked it up to the crap beer he had drunk at the meeting. He shut the door to Thorne Manor, it was Sirius's family home, but Remus and Harry lived there with him as well, and whenever Snape wasn't at Hogwarts teaching, he was most likely found with Remus. Hence the drunken yelling coming from the first floor sitting room. 

Drunken yelling? 

"You shlimy git! You're cheating," a slurred, accusing voice rang out through the main hallway. Harry shook his head and made it a point to avoid that room for the night before he went out. He just had to find Snape and… slimy git? Damn. Where there was a slimy git, there was usually a Severus. 

Please Review or I'll cry. *big nod*


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